I really enjoy reading

I really enjoy reading blogs and love the idea of having one myself, yet, have trouble with actually being honest. It's like writing in your diary when you were a kid, writing thinking that someone was going to read it. That sounds sdilly as this is to be read, it's getting to that honest core - that part of you that actually sounds like you.

Anyway, we are in the midst of Spring Break and really enjoying ourselves. We spent 5 days in vancouver at mom and dad's it was good. i find that as i get older the whole negative self-esteem that washes over me as i step through their door doesn't bother me so much. Sure, i wish i could lose this fifteen pounds of makin baby weight that hangs on, but then i have four kids! i look hot dammit!

I have been rolling this book around in my head and now i've actually made it public knowledge that i want to write it - so i feel obligated to start! Anyway's i figure it will start with 1994 an the attempted suicide of the main character, immediately rolling back over the previous year and all the ways that a hypomanic depressed nice girl ends up at that point. Then there will be intermixed bits of 1984 when she is in grade 8. The bits of life that change you from semi-popular happy elementary school kid to switching to the one people make fun of, the girl stuck in a rut. The one with the black hair and eyeliner. The one that secretly listens to Bananarama and Depeche Mode. Finally, in 2004 she is a married mom living the typical suburban life in a beautiful city on the west coast of canada. She is blissfull in her love for her children. She is desperately lonely. She has grown and learned from her life experiences yet, her lifestyle still reflects her life. She is a great person - loving, empathetic, easily bruised - torchered by the news of the world, fearful for her childrens future. She is grown-up and she is still looking in that medicine cabinet.
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